Marriage partners will either draw out or undermine the goodness of their spouse.
If you spend any time in newspapers or magazines or if you watch television or movies you know how often marriage is portrayed as boring, mundane, predictable, aggravating, tiresome at best and at worst a nightmare. Wives are often cranky and unreasonable, husbands are usually self centered and not too bright. Conflicts in the story are solved in twenty-two minute sit-coms with the couple coming together in the last three-and-a-half minutes by saying, "I just love you honey." The response is always, "I love you too, let's forget about all this and move on..." And then there's a final joke to break the tension and the credits roll.
This is quite unfortunate because anyone who has been married for any amount of time knows this: It's Not That Simple!
Conflicts take time and effort to resolve. There must be effort on both sides of the issue to bring understanding, forgiveness, and strength to the conflict in a way that shows love to the spouse. Often a couple could really use a helper to navigate through situations in a way that may not be visible in the heat of battle. Couples often fight in ways that don't accomplish anything but generating more fury. Yes, fighting should accomplish something positive. Fighting well is a skill not often acquired by most couples, they just combat each other until both are too tired to continue or something worse happends. This should not be so.
If there's no conflict in a marriage, maybe no one is dealing with deep issues of the heart. If no one is dealing with deep issues of the heart, the relationship is shallow. If the relationship is shallow, it leaves the couple feeling lonely and uncared for. If a couple feels lonely and uncared for long enough, it generates dangerous behaviors to help feel better - which creates more chaos in the relationship. Can you see the circle of trouble this creates? It keeps coming around to painful conflict and never sets a couple on a path to the fulfillment and loving connectedness we are all designed to live in together. Isn't that what marriage is supposed to be?
A couple must learn what it means to draw out the wonderful uniqueness of their spouse.
This is the most loving thing a couple can have the power to do together. Working to make them more of a good man, more of a good woman. This is what really connects a relationship at the deepest places. When a couple gives of themselves in a sacrificial way to oneanother, both benefit and both grow and mature together in the truest form of love. This is an unconditional, unswerving, other-centered, and giving commitment to live for the benifit of that other person that you have chosen as yours.
Many marriages come apart at this focal point of relationship. Selfcentered protecting or demanding can create shame and distance between people who desired from the start to be close.
The Good News is that it can be a lot like you hoped it would be when you decided to marry that amazing person in the first place.
If any of this makes sense to you, let's get started now building your marriage into the fantastic relationship you dreamed it might be. If you both are willing to do the work and take the time and invest in the most important relationship you'll ever have on this earth, let's join together now and get busy!